Japan is a demonic country
This is a story about my friend Josh. Well, it’s a story about the pastor he lived with briefly. It’s also a story about Lauren. Or maybe it’s not a story about Lauren, but Lauren plays a role in this story. This story is not about Internet Girlfriends per se, at least not real ones, but I still think its funny so use it or don’t.
So Lauren was dating Josh and Lauren would go to church every Wednesday for some sort of Youth Services. She started making Josh go too, even though he was definitely not religious and never would be, but when you are 16 you think you can change someone if you like them hard enough. And Josh didn’t have anything else to do in our small town, so he went too. Josh didn’t come from a great family and they didn’t get along, and I guess things got rough at home and they kicked him out and he went to live with a friend for a little bit. Then Lauren talked to the pastor at her church and the pastor was like “Well, he can come live with me for a little bit, my wife loves taking care of people”, y’know, that kind of thing. So Josh goes along with that, and he is temporarily living at this pastor’s house.
Something I should mention about Josh is that he also liked anime A LOT.
He liked all sorts of anime, and especially liked to spend his time drawing anime girls. It was like his hobby. So this was in the early 2000s when no one had a smart phone, especially not teenagers, and laptops were too expensive. So the thing is that people had to all share a computer, and Josh would use the household computer when it was free, to do homework or just surf the web or chat with people or whatever. But since Josh liked anime girls so much, he would also go to websites that just featured pictures of them, drawn by other artists for hours and hours on end.
And I want to mention what Josh told me about what I am about to tell you next: Josh swears to god he was not looking at any kind of hentai, or any nudity at all. Scantily clad, sure. But full porn? No.
So I find out from Lauren that Josh is in trouble, and not only that, the entire country of Japan is in trouble, because her pastor is fucking PISSED. The pastor used the computer after Josh one day, who didn’t clear out his cookies or anything (which is why I believe him when he said he wasn’t looking at porn, because he knew how to hide that kind of thing). What the pastor did find, though, was sexy anime girls and he found them to be extremely unacceptable for a young Christian man to be browsing.
Okay, back to Josh’s side of the story. Josh also swears that while he was not looking at anything beyond some good ‘drawing material’, he went back and looked at the browser history after the pastor had been in there, and he said it was jam-packed full of all sorts of freaky shit, and that according to him, the pastor had been “really contemplating this for a long time.” Bondage, tentacles, you name it.
So the next thing I knew, Lauren was asking me to come to the Youth Services because shit is about to go down. Which I would do sometimes, because I, too, had nothing to do in our small town. So I did, and I heard a guy lecture for 45 minutes – okay, maybe it was more like 15 minutes – on how Japan is a demonic country and that worship of anything Japanese was absolutely sinful and that everyone needs to go to church and pray about it and never watch anything Japan has produced. Dude was so fucking worked up over this, the anime really fucked him up.
Anyway, Josh was in trouble but in this weird way because it had to do with sexy cartoon pictures and the pastor didn’t really know what to do about that, and he eventually worked things out and moved back with his family, and that was that.