o h ! c a n a d a

Author: Ashley 👋
Author’s note: How can I mimic feeling this way, how can I convince a webpage to exhibit the same cringing tightness in my chest, the confusion that comes from looking back on myself from nearly half of my life ago? Who is this person, why was I like this, why am I like how I am now? In this moment, watching that moment, trying to figure out how I got here, right now, and how I got there, right then. I recall every memory at once, good memories and bad memories, mostly memories of me doing something stupid or feeling sick or being terrible and much less of the memories where I am actually very happy and exploring and learning and enjoying life, instead every small tiny embarrassment moment hits me and they replay over and over again. Anyway, that is what I wanted to convey here. I didn’t mention this in advance to the person filming this video, although I do talk to him maybe at season-change intervals, because I know he feels the same cringing tight chest feeling thinking about this time in his life too, and although he will probably see this, or maybe he won’t, I don’t want to push these feelings onward. Is that weird? I don’t know.

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